Flirting has become a convenience rather than an exciting challenge. I wasn’t lucky enough to be apart of the days where you “ran into someone” when you ran into them. Everything seems to be pre-planned.
Thankfully, I did experience the anxiety of looking up your crush’s house number in the phone book, and calling them without warning. Now, it seems to be an expectation that there is a text when you leave the house, “Leaving now”, followed by an, “I’m here”. Which, if unanswered, causes great alarm that you almost feel you need to turn back until your text message is acknowledged that yes, you can come over.
In fact, the amount of communication that we have available to us leaves us incredibly disappointed when someone does not bother to utilize any of these choices to get in touch with you…
There’s something about technology that has altogether destroyed any interest I have had in getting to know anyone.
You can almost tell it’s the same way for the opposite sex..
GIRL: “Hey what’s up”
30 minutes later
GUY: “Hey.. wanna chill”
GIRL: “I’m doing laundry not really”
GUY: “Yeah. Me neither.”
We have another stranger that will be “snap chatting us”, favouriting our tweets, liking our photos, creeping our instagram, swiping right on tinder, fb messaging us, tagging us in funny photos…
We’re all duplicating one another. You check in to 30 of your friends snap chat stories each and every day.
There’s so much going on ALL of the time, that when it all comes to a halt.. you either feel completely alone.. or there’s an actual tinge of relief.. relief that you are no longer “connected”.
It feels so much nicer to leave your phone in another area. Sometimes I purposely misplace it in my bed, or leave it on the charger in the next room. This way I am not tempted to triple check 6 different apps for notifications. It’s absolutely toxic.
It’s great to be busy driving or working… you can spend an entire day away from your phone!
It saves you from becoming obsessive over someone you hardly liked in the first place…
What the fuck dude. I thought I was, “incredible” and “interesting”.
You turn to your girlfriends. They don’t know. You turn to other guys to ask if you were TOOO stage 5. Or maybe you’re TOOO girl next door.
How can you possibly move on from me? I was cracking you up. I’m freakin adorable.
It’s the polite thing to do? That’s it.
REE REE REE REE.
30 minutes later
Well, WE’RE through.
I will stick to stalking your Facebook and imagining you with girls that are much prettier than me with the brains of a goldfish.
Eventually, maybe they reach out to you again. Realistically you want to respond with:
But you know you’re much better off with a more realistic, “screw you” attitude.
Nooo. Some nerve buddy boy.
I wonder what it was…
Yes. That’s it. Yup.
followed by something more like:
It’s exhausting wasting your good jokes on someone who was going to turn his head at the next pair of legs that walked by anyway..?
This is why I am an advocate of waking up early, putting on your favourite outfits (don’t save your good underwear? What are you doing girl the pretty lace gets to be worn on a Monday too).
Eat right (if you can) but still get that poutine when you want a damn poutine.
Do your squats.
Run as fast as you can on that damn treadmill.
Read that funny article.
Pick up a book (and open and read it too).
Turn your phone off.
Laugh at your imperfections: YES I have lettuce in my hair AGAIN.. it’s me.
Wear that matching bra & panties even though no one will see it:
Try something you’re afraid to do.
Hit the gym.
Make new friends.
As nice as THIS looks (and really actually is):
It’s nice to have THAT once a year, but this is cool too:
Keep singing those country songs as loud as you can by yourself in the car.
Those sappy empowering lyrics make you laugh.
Buy the 2L bottle of wine.. yes.. you will drink it.
Watch your feel good show.
Re-watch the LION KING, Harry Potter, Frozen, or TANGLED for the millionth time.
Take your dog for a walk.
Go see the local hockey games.
Plan a vacation. “SOMEWHERE ON A BEACH, SIPPIN’ SOMETHING STRONG”.
Give them as often as possible.
Buy people coffee (caffeinated people are happy people).
Go on the bad dates.
Put on that pencil skirt even though it’s cold outside.
Let one of the guys at the gym be your personal trainer without being insecure because you don’t use “grip powder” or have a “routine”.
Go on long drives.
Put the sunroof down.
We’re all alright.